Can YOU handle the truth?
Okay Ladies, I read Wednesday’s post, and had to give the Male perspective of the “Why Do I?” So, here's what you’ve wanted to know.
Why can’t you find love? The truth is… This one I agree with you on, you’re looking for us men to love you when you don’t even love yourself. And because you don’t, you place all these expectations on how we should make you feel. So tell me, how do you want to feel? Do you even know yourself? We’re not mind readers, nor are we God. We hold no power over your thoughts, and we hold no power to heal you from your lack of “Self-Love”.
Why don’t you trust men? The truth is… You’ve listened to your Momma and “No Man Having” Friends. That strength you tried selling me on, you lack it when it comes to putting them in their place. Just because their man broke their heart, doesn’t mean I’m going to break yours. Stand on your own two feet and defend me, and maybe that ring you want so bad may find you.
Why don’t I call the next day? The truth is… It’s just sex, no more, Comprehende’. Let’s keep it real, you stepped out in those tight clothes, so tight I could tell you had nothing on underneath, that was an invitation don’t you think? You spent the entire night speaking to your strength, but now I’m a “Dog” because not only did that wall of strength come falling down, but so did your skirt. “Dog”, huh?
Why do you attract lazy men? The truth is… You attract what you send out. Sure you have a job, a car, and a little money in your account, SO WHAT? You’re too lazy to hit the gym, clean up your spot, and sometimes too lazy to bathe before you crawl into bed. Dealing with your “laziness” deserves some compensation, don't you think? If you want to attract better, try doing better.
Why do you let me treat you badly? The truth is… You like it, it turns you on, and in your eyes it makes me a man. You thought you could change and make me a better man, but you knew who I was when we got together. Neither my words nor my actions have changed, so what’s the problem? If I’m treating you that bad, do us a both a favor and leave, I’m really tired of all your nagging.
The truth is… If you’re the woman who wrote the other blog, I DESERVE BETTER. Break up with me, don’t call me ever again, and that thing you called “Verbal Abuse”, accept the fact you played yourself when you thought you could change ME. #LeaveMeTheHellAlone
It's often said you can't help who you fall in love with. That love is blind and makes you do things you thought you would never do. Including be in relationship with someone that is married to someone else. Some of us have made that declaration and six months later we are sneaking around meeting someone's husband in a dark parking lot. You have now become a Mistress. This man has whispered sweet nothings in your ear. Told you how special you are and that he has never met anyone like you and if he wasn't married he could see a future with you. Maybe he told you that his marriage hasn't been good in a long time and he has fallen out of love with his wife. Now that he has met you he can now do what he has been wanting to do and that's leave his wife. That was 5 years ago and you're still a secret. Still waiting... Still a mistress....
The truth is... All you're ever going to be is the other woman, his little secret, his sideline chick, his jump off. To his wife and the people on the outside looking in you’re a home wreaker, a tramp, a slut and some other choice words that can’t be said in this post. Reality is you will never meet his family and friends. You will never be taken to a public function. You will probably never go on vacation together. The most you will get is stolen moments here or there when he can. He will pacify you by calling you and telling you how much he misses you and he wishes he could see you but he has lot going on and he promises he will make it up to you. When you ask him when he is going to leave his wife and be with you, his answer will be “Soon”... The word “Soon” will become the most annoying word you have ever heard. We will be together “Soon”. I will file for divorce “Soon”... I will call you “Soon”... Two more years have passed, he still going home to his wife climbing into bed and hold her tight at night and you’re back to being alone and waiting on “soon”. You have wasted 7 years waiting on something that may never happen and for the small percentage of mistresses that have upgraded to wifey status, you still haven’t won. When he comes home late and you don’t know where he has been, you wonder if he is doing to you what you helped him do to his now ex-wife. If you’re being honest with yourself you know that is what you’re thinking and what you constantly worry about. I am not coming at you as someone that is bitter or that has been cheated on. I speak from experience of being that mystery woman that well kept secret. The one that wasted her time, her life, and her love on someone that had no intentions of returning that same love back. It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn’t in a relationship, I was just convenient. I wasn’t special like he said, I was just different from what he was getting at home. I wasn’t new and fresh. I was just willing to forget what I believed in and compromise who I was because I thought this was love. What good is being in relationship or being in love if you have to keep it a secret?
“Why do I keep looking for love, but can never find it?” The truth is… I’m not looking in the right places. I want a man to love and cherish me, be my husband and the father of my children, but it’s so hard for me to find this. I want him to LOVE me. Being open and honest with you though, growing up I was never taught the importance of “Self-Love”, so I’m looking for it in a man. I’m afraid to look inwardly, because what I may find I know I won’t love myself, so hopefully he can look beyond my flaws and love me bruised like I am.
“Why do I find it hard to trust a man?” The truth is… My mother raised me to be strong. She taught me to never take anything off a man, men will hurt and use you, and the only thing you can “trust” a man to do is to cheat on you. I watched her as I was growing up, and she didn’t take anything off no dude. My Daddy cheated on her and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. She vowed to never let that happen again, and if I must quote her she said “I’ll be Damn if I let a man treat my girls this way”.
“Why do I repeatedly sleep with a man and once it’s over he never calls?” The truth is… I believe if I give him what he wants, he will give me the relationship I want. I use “sex” to trap him, yet I’m the one who is trapped in feelings of being used, depression, and hurt. I believed the motion of my ocean would sail him right into my arms, but he’s a sailor, so he has sailed many other seas and to him, THEY ALL FEEL THE SAME.
“Why do I attract lazy men who don’t want to work and wants a woman to take care of him?” The truth is… I’m busy proving I’m a strong woman who needs a man for nothing… Once I realized I was taking care of a grown man that’s not my son, I found myself mentally and financially exhausted. I used my “independence” as a playing card, yet I’m the one who was “played”, credit “cards” are max out, and I was stripped of “independence” quicker than a stripper on a Friday night.
“Why do I stay with him when he treats me so badly?” The truth is… I stay because the dating scene is hard, I don’t want to be alone, everybody has issues, and because I provoked him to treat me that way. Growing up I watched my Dad beat my Mom, so at least I’m not going through that. Ladies, we all know how we are, we can cause a man to do things he wouldn’t normally do.
The truth is… If you find yourself asking or answering any of the above questions, YOU DESERVE BETTER. Break the generational curse of your mother, love and value yourself, and know there is a thing called “VERBAL ABUSE”. #WhyDoI
I’ve been hurt and was told lies! Now, I am supposed to forgive you. The feelings inside me haven’t disappeared. I think about it constantly. I think about what I could have changed. I try to avoid the pain, but it follows me in my head like a stalker. I tell myself I should forgive you, but for some reason I cannot make myself forgive you. I hold you accountable for everything that happens. Next time, you will learn. Next time, you won’t make the same mistake. Next time, you will know better. Okay, I forgive you but then the hurt flash back in my mind so swiftly, and I don’t forgive you again. So, why should I forgive you? Why should I forgive myself? Yes, you read it correctly. It’s relationship week at the Truth Bowl and today we are discussing forgiving YOU!
The Truth is… The toughest person to forgive is us. We can forgive a stranger easier than forgiving ourselves. We hold ourselves hostage of the pain and hurt we experienced in life. We replay the situation over and over in our heads wondering how we are here. Why didn’t I know better? Either because we are a Christian and we know the word or we made the same mistake over and over again. We take the hurt that he/she has caused us and allow them to be free while we are holding on to the pain. We take ownership of our and their wrongs and bundle it up until we cannot forgive ourselves anymore. Weeks, months, and years have passed, and we cannot forgive ourselves. Why is it so difficult to forgive you? One reason is because we think God hasn’t forgiven us. When we say a sincere prayer and ask God to forgive us, He does. While God is orchestrating our next move to turn that hurt, pain into something great. We are too busy feeling ashamed. We feel we are not worthy. Well, today the Truth Bowl is here to tell you to FREE yourself. Let go of the pain and hurt and start forgiving yourself. Start asking God to help you in forgiving yourself. Start reminding yourself that you are worthy of His greatness. God already knows we are going to mess up that is why He sent His only begotten son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us. The second best relationship you need to have is a good relationship with yourself. Forgiving you opens the door to healthier relationships with others. It’s a saying that goes “would you date yourself?” If you can’t forgive yourself the unfortunate cycle is that you will constantly be in a fight with yourself, so this week during relationship week, start forgiving you. Why should I forgive you? You are truly worth forgiving yourself.
Today, I had the chance to read the Mother's Day sample gift of Michael Baisden's new book, "Do Men Know What They Want". I agree with Michael that they do, but I also feel that some want their cake and want to eat it too. The majority stated "Food, Sex and Silence".
It's all good in "Love and War" as Tamar Braxton depicts in her new single. I just want to know what's so wrong about a woman requesting some "Funds, Stamina and Stability"???
These would be top requests from a woman whose willing/ready to come down from the throne to let a King lead the Kingdom.
Funds! Not putting a $$$$$$ amount on it, but if a man is not willing to work as if there's only one income or by any means necessary do what it takes to care for the Household(bldg/bills) and Home(heart of his woman) then what's the use. Respect comes naturally along with support from a woman, when she knows her man is a "PROVIDER"!
Stamina! OOH...WEE...Come back here, at least those of you who don't depend on the blue and orange pill or cream for a little steam. What's wrong with a woman wanting to Feel, the Peace in the Steel, when you Kneel to make her Feel it's Real. She won't even mind getting off track and traveling by horseback. Just don't usher in a short sermon(premie), leaving without the Benediction("O"). Be a "Deliverer"!
The Truth is... Stability! Every woman needs it!!! A best Friend, not a cheating, skirt chaser who doesn't know that Game Time is OVER. A woman wants more than anything to feel SAFE with her man. Know that she can have fun, be silly with him, have stimulating conversations, an investor of dreams and calm walks and picnics in the park. When she looks him in his eyes, the chance to see herself in the depths of his SOUL. And most of all, know that in the time of trouble he will be a "Protector" at all costs.
Is that too much to ask for???
Simply put "Friend Inventory". Bing defines a "friend" as: 1.somebody emotionally close: somebody who trusts and is fond of another, 2. acquaintance: somebody who thinks well of or is on good terms with somebody else, 3. ally: an ally, or somebody who is not an enemy
You're probably saying we all have them and so did Whodini who is famous for the song "Friends-How many of us have them, Friends". If you were to take a poll some people would actually say they don't have any or have lots of great friends. What gives us reason to put people in a box? Why because someone chose to tell your juicy gossip that you thought would never be told???? Did you depend on someone and they let you down? Truth be told we categorize people around us based on what they give to us in our lives, AT THAT MOMENT. You know, the moment when we needed to talk, pray, laugh, be comforted, cry, vent, blow off some steam, be lifted up, to be bailed out or to be congratulated on how well were doing.
The real question is, do we the same expectations for our "friends" that we expect from them? If you are all of the above… Congratulations, you're in the "Great Friend" category with more than enough of them to go around. If not then some would say you’re really not a friend at all, but an associate. If this is you, WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE DEMANDS THAT YOU YOURSELF ARE UNWILLING TO FULFILL????? This could be something deeply rooted that has left a stop sign in your path. You may find yourself unworthy of being called a "friend" and don't look to make new ones because you've failed at being a great "friend".
If this is you stop sulking and pick yourself up. It is now time to seek some spiritual guidance. Life is all practice anyway. No one gets it right the first time around and sometimes even the second and third time. It's all dependent upon you wanting to get it right. The more you try, the better you will become. Now this doesn't mean beating yourself up, but it means knowing you have something to offer, which gives your friend something to receive. Each of us is uniquely made and we complete one another in ways that can't sometimes be explained. Yet, we ALL make the world go around, so when you feel friendless know there is "One True Friend”. The bible as well as many songs depicts Jesus to be a "friend" who sticks closer than any brother. He's the one that laid down his life for a "friend"(you) an unworthy "friend". He accepted us with our filthy rags, so who are we? And how dare we tag our "friends" and friendships?
The truth is… Have you looked in the mirror lately? Took Self-Ven-Tory? Forgive yourself for not doing this any sooner. Daily, call on the "FRIEND” who inVENted the sTORY and watch who as well as what kind of "friend" you are destined to become in the lives of others. #FriendVenTory
I got a phone call from a friend at 6:30 Tuesday morning. I had barely wiped the sleep from my eyes when she called and said, "I just called to say that I love you and there ain't nothing you can do about it. I was driving to work and thought about you and said let me call my friend and tell her how amazing she is and how much I love her." Wide awake now I thought what a way to start my morning. I jumped up energized, pumped and ready to start my day. How awesome is it for the first words you hear when wake up in the morning to be I love you and you're amazing. Wonderful right, I know. Some people don't wake up to kind encouraging words. They wake up to instant negativity either from someone else or themselves. Think about it the things you hear and speak can have a major impact on you and others. When my friend woke me up with those encouraging words nothing that came my way that day could bother me. The words God placed on her heart to give to me empowered me all day. Believe me when I tell you it was heard to maintain that upbeat spirit, but I refused to let those awesome words get buried under unkind ones. Unfortunately not everyone can stay encouraged because words depending on how they are used can cut like a knife.
Here's The Truth... Your mouth is one of the most powerful and sharpest weapons that you have. Now the choice is yours on how you use that powerful weapon. Some of the sweetest things can come from behind your lips if you let them. If not then that tongue is like a double edge sword, slicing and dicing people left and right. Your words can be uplifting and encouraging when you speak victory. Or they can be used to speak defeat with a lot of negative talk. You can use it to speak life or death and to speak love or spew hate. Again the choice is yours on how you use it. The mouth has the power to destroy a life including your own. Seriously, think about what you are saying too or about people on a daily bases? Are you spreading gossip and lies? Cursing them out and telling people horrible things about them. Better yet, what are you saying to yourself? Are you talking to yourself and saying discouraging things. Telling yourself you can't do it or you will never make it. Telling yourself you're not attractive, you're too fat, too ugly. I'll never get promoted, no one will ever love me. Perhaps those are words someone said to you. They used the words from their mouth to cut you down with the intent to destroy you. So why speak that over someone else? I could go on and on about the power of the tongue and the words that come from it but I think you get the point. The "Mouth Almighty" and what comes out of it is very powerful... Speak some encouraging words to someone. Speak encouraging words to yourself.. Change the course of your day by waking up and saying an uplifting affirmation to get your day started. Change someone's day by giving them a little hope with a kind word or two. Put down your sword and use your power for good and not evil.
In the world today, “SIZE” is everything…. The bigger it is, the better it is. “SIZE’ determines if it’s good or bad, worth trying or walking away from, and it can predict if you’re about to get the ride of your life. “SIZE” is everything to some and the saints aren’t exempt. If you’re thinking we’re speaking of the human body, YOU “SIZED” US UP WRONG!!!!! It’s “Did They Just Say That?” Wednesday, and you already know, we’re going there….
Isn’t it funny how your sins are bigger than others? You smoke weed, they gossip, but you’re going to hell… You pour a shot of Patron into your coffee each morning, they can smell it a mile away on your breath, but they can’t smell the man’s wife perfume on his shirt as they (other woman) take it off. Or how about your criminal past, they grip their purse when you come into the room, is it because they’re afraid you’re going to rob them? Or because they fear you’ll see the reason they’ve been diagnosed with a lung disease? You see “SIZE” matters, and the saint’s aren’t exempt…
With all the attention “Same Sex Marriages”, “Gay Athletes”, and “Gay Boy Scouts” are receiving, a lot of these same saints are going to bust hell wide open… You see these sins are bigger than theirs, so it takes the light off the dark world they’re living in. You know like the porn they fill their minds with; the teenage girls they’re not only looking at, but flirting and laying with; the Kandi Koated Lipstick that keeps them in the bathroom an extra fifteen minutes while they’re child is waiting to release; the money they’ve borrowed from the churches offerings tray with no intentions of paying it back; the woman they’ve slept with who is neither the “First Lady” nor the “First Lady they’ve cheated on the ”First Lady” with”. You see size matters, and the saints aren’t exempt….
The truth is… Size doesn’t matter, sin is sin, and if you’re sinning you can go to hell just like anyone else. In hell there will be plenty of Preachers, Teachers, Ministry Leaders, First Lady’s, Hat Wearers, Choir Members, and all these other saints who believe YOUR SIN is BIGGER THAN THEIR SIN. Just like the woman who was about to get stoned for her sins. The people who were waiting were sinners just like her, but because her sin was exposed, they were ready to put her to death. Could it be because maybe she knew their sins as well, some of the men holding the rocks were previous partners of hers, or was it only to distract people from seeing the dirt in their own lives. The rocks in these people hands were their own sins, and if they could cast them on her, it would take the attention off of them. For those of you saints that’s blinded by what appears to be SIZE… You better open your eyes, drop that rock, and get yourself together. Here’s one thing for you remember, the SIZE of hell is unknown, but it’s big enough to hold YOU….. #SizeMatters
Over this past weekend, a friend of mine invited me to her church for a program. I put the address in my car GPS and was on my way. First, I passed my exit; okay no big deal, so I turned around. When I came close to my destination according to my GPS I was only seconds away from the church. The mysterious woman voice on the GPS told me to go left, but I couldn’t because construction blocked that road. Okay, let me try my phone GPS, but it was the same direction go left. I couldn’t find a detour sign to take another route, so I was driving around in circles. Frustrated and late I was ready to turn around and go home, but I told my friend I would attend, so I took a deep breath left her a message explaining that I am turned around. I decided to drive down a different street and allow my GPS to just re-route. Well, my GPS re-routed and I found my destination. I am so glad I did because it was truly a blessing that night.
The Truth is… How many of us turn around and goes home when we come upon a road block? How many of us are frustrated about something, and find it easier to give up? How many of us feel we are late, so we decide to give up? See we are like our GPS we start out on one path, and we are certain we know how to get there. We are seconds away from our destination, but for some reason the way we want to go has a roadblock. We can see how near we are to our destination and in some cases even feel how close we are, but we get frustrated, tired, anxious, and plain out exhausted from trying the way we think we should go. God sees our destination. He will put us on a path that is so clear but while we are heading to that destination, we encounter road blocks. He opens a new route for us but sometimes we cannot see the new route because we are still focusing on the old route. The destination is still the same, but we took a right instead of a left. We are only seconds away from our blessing, but many of us delay our blessing because we listen to the enemy telling us we are not good enough, it’s a dream, it will never happen, and any other negative thing you can imagine. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” God will never leave you nor forsake you so don’t listen to the enemy. Realize that if you hit a road block along the way it’s only God setting you up for something greater. God never said it would be easy, but He did say He will never leave you. You may get re-routed. Life may take you on so many turns, and valleys but as long as you keep God first you will make it through the different turns. You just have to take a deep breath and send God a message (prayer). He will re-route you to your destination. #OrderedSteps
Q: I’m an older woman dating a younger man. We’re both in our prime, but mentally we’re not connecting all the way. There are days I feel like I’m his mother. I’m constantly telling him what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I enjoy our time together, but I want him to be a man and not a boy. How should I move forward?
A: OK Tigress, you asked, so here we go… First, we appreciate you staying in the Feline Family, however you’re a Cougar not a Tigress, let’s just get that straight. Secondly, thanks for being discrete and writing “we’re both in our prime” and not saying “the sex is good” (we can’t condone fornication). Now that we have that out the way, let’s get to the real issue. If you’re older than he is, you’ve probably been around the block a few times. By now you should have learned you can’t change a man, he’s going to be who he is. If any changes are to be made, HE will be the one who makes them, not YOU. We’re not going to say you’re wasting your time with this fellow, only you can make that conclusion. However if you’re having to tell him what to do and you guys are just dating, why continue to waste time with someone like this, your clock is ticking. Because you’ve submitted a question, we can only assume this is someone you care a great deal about and possibly want to spend the rest of your life with. It has been stated women mature faster than men, so if you’re older than he is, you’re probably several years apart mentally. Here’s an assignment for you. Take your age, add a few extra years for just being a woman, subtract his age and take a look at the number. If the age is older enough to have a child, then you’re too old to be dating him. Tigress if you want to raise a cub, there are plenty of children looking to be adopted, do the world a favor and mother them. I know you’re in your prime, but get with someone your own age, there’s always the pink and blue pill….. #Viagra
The truth is… You can’t change a man, but you can change what man you deal with…